I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
