nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
