Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Randomize
