Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
