we're chasing vodka with high fives
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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