I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
