dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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