Please, let me fuck your mom
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
