last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
