i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
