Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
