Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
