I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i was born a porn star she said
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
