You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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