Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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