You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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