I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
