turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
