The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
