My balls are so social today.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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