Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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