If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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