70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
