My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
