I'm eating all of the evidence.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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