apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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