I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
