The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
