the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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