I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
