Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
