Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
