You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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