you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
