the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
