Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
