i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
