In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
