Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
