He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
