Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
