I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
