We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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