this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Boobs speak an international language.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
