can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
