her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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