dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
