Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is wine microwaveable?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
