the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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