What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just puked most of my soul out..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
