why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
